How to work towards taking responsibility, and reduce placing blame.
There are three cardinal sins in relationships and blaming is one of them. When you blame someone, you take no responsibility for your part in it. That’s because when something goes wrong, there is usually so much pain that the mind naturally goes to possible causes that don’t include ourselves.
Think about it: perhaps you misplace your keys or you run out of gas, or maybe you both arrive late for a dinner date. And, it can be easy to blame your partner. However, the more you blame your partner, the more you stay in a state of frustration and anger.
In Debbie Seid’s upcoming book, Shifting, she talks about making the shift from blaming to taking responsibility. When you change from blaming to taking responsibility, you move away from anger, frustration and resentment – and into the world of possibility, learning and growth.
An Exercise to Try
The next time something goes wrong (and it could be anything), try to recognize if you blame your partner. If so, stop and assess the situation by taking responsibility.
For example, if your car runs out of gas, rather than blame your partner, you can ask two questions:
- What could I have done differently to prevent this from happening in the future?
- What can we do differently to prevent this from happening in the future?
When anything goes wrong, it’s always an invitation to look at what the lesson is. The course of miracles states that whatever is in front if you is your highly individualized curriculum.